Brain Fog

Since about the end of December last year, I’ve been a haze of brain fog most days. I had another bout of COVID and since then my mind feels clunky and sludgy. Memory is shoddy and unreliable. Sometimes, I can remember things easily, other times, I can’t remember what we’ve just been talking about.

Yet, I am lucky. I am lucky because over the last 10 years, I've invested significant time into meditation and watching my mind. I am lucky because I learned from Pain, the Great Teacher, how to endure and seek alternate solutions. As a result, I've been able to watch how the fog rolls in, moves around. I've been able to notice how it works, which means I can address both the mechanisms and symptoms of the problem.

I think the fog is less of a feature of memory, (I can recollect some things and the recall is accurate), and more a feature of alertness or focus. It feels more like *I* am hazy, and things simply aren’t noticed in the moment, so I when I try to recollect them, there’s nothing to recollect.

I’ve also found myself dealing with mild stimulation issues, where things like loud noises are more bothersome, or environments with more going on (visually, audibly ) are also more challenging and stressful. I feel anxious in those environments when before I would have been stimulated or engaged. This is especially true in social settings, where social information is rapid and important.

I lose the thread of conversations easily and struggle to stay on task. I’ve had conversations that just die out, or I check a text message and then completely forget the conversation we were having.

Lastly, I have noticed a struggle with language. That I go to reach for words out of the grand library of language and they aren’t in their proper place, so I have to grab something nearby. (I struggled to remember the word “audibly” in that sentence above. Auditorially? Audioraly? Aurally?) This slipperiness was present before, but it’s like the teeth on my language gears have been ground down and sometimes they just spin or slide when they should catch.

I don’t know how noticeable all this is to people. Perhaps only to those closest to me. I know that I’ve had moments where I’ve had to remind Mary that I’m feeling foggy and that I’m not *merely* not listening to her. I’ve had to increase list making and task timing. I have to do more "piloting the meat mech," focusing heavily on the task at hand and on purpose ignoring all the other buzzing. No more multithreading and multi-tasking. Only the here and now.

Yet, I am lucky. I can see all this happening, notice how its function and still have the language and puzzle-solving capacities to work the problem.

What I can do about it:

Simple:

Caffeine: I've increased my caffeine intake substantially. This has helped gain back some bandwidth. Anxiety and stress are increased accordingly, so there is a balancing act.

Sauna and Cold Plunge: In addition to this being a cardio benefit (see below), this also helps with inflammation, which may be a root cause for the brain fog

Blood work: It would make sense to get some blood work done. It may be that I have a thyroid issue or vitamin deficiency that could account for the fog.

Regular Cardio: There have been some studies that show that for folks suffering from Long COVID, regular cardio can greatly reduce brain fog and fatigue.

Regular Sleep: I typically get a solid 8 hours, but getting more may help!

Complex:

Accept the little death of brainfog: A big part of my frustration is that my life needs to adapt around this feature. I am more limited than before, not as abundant and full. This is what it is to be a being who will die.

Treat myself as though I have ADHD: Learn the problem space of bad attention and then address it as though I have a permanent obstacle. (This could be true, after all!) This can be both pharmaceutical support as well as better habits and practices. This will be hard but likely worth it.

Just do less: Right now, my life is boiling with opportunity and leads and options. I prefer to pursue them all, show that I can do it all, but right now, I probably can't! So, what must remain? Instead of a dozen spinning plates, what are my 5 that I will focus on?